7 Bad Habits That Will Lead To Divorce
by Jack Wellman
Here are seven bad habits that might lead to divorce.
1. Flirting or Adultery
One of the greatest problems of couples today is that the world is constantly pulling on their natural desires. At some places of employment, unless you look like a Barbie or Ken Doll, you’re probably not going to get the job. People judge you by sight and not by what’s inside, as God does (1 Sam 16:7), so we’ve got to resist the pulls of the flesh, whether you’re married or not. Committing adultery is the same as becoming one with a male or female prostitute in God’s eyes (1st Cor 6:16). Flirting might seem innocent enough, but it can lead to adultery of the heart (Matt 5:28) and possibly even the physical act of adultery. This can easily destroy a marriage and lead to the shipwreck of divorce.
Marriage counselors say that money is consistently among the top reasons that couples divorce. This is because marriage partners have become so anxious about the finances of the home that it can lead to battles over every purchase someone makes. Every time one partner spends money on something else, particularly when it’s a big ticket item, they should at least talk to their spouse first. Part of what you spend is part of what is theirs, so a lot of conflict can be avoided if couples will simply discuss any future purchases before they make them, especially if the home’s finances are shaky. Not doing so can lead to a divorce.
When we refuse to forgive our spouse, even when they ask for our forgiveness, we’re setting up a roadblock to our relationship. A refusal to forgive actually backfires on the person and turns the person who refuses to forgive bitter. Instead of humbling ourselves and forgiving our spouses, we believe that they should come to us first, but that’s not what the Bible teaches. If we realized just how much we’ve been forgiven, we would realize that our spouse’s sins are pale in comparison to those which we’ve been forgiven. To choose not to forgive is to choose to be less like God because God forgave us and died for us (in Christ), while we were ungodly, wicked, enemies of His (Rom 5:6-10).
4. Criticizing Before Others
If you have ever heard a man or woman putting his wife or her husband down in public, you almost feel embarrassed for them. It’s really sad when you see someone humiliated in public, especially if it’s by their spouse. Sadly, some don’t care about doing this in public, and when that happens consistently, this couple may be headed for divorce. We are told to build up one another in love (1st Thess 5:11), in public and private. We are never told to tear down one another in public. If we say anything in public about our spouse, let it be that which is good, honest, and builds them up.
5. The Roaring Silence
There are times when couples are so comfortable with one another, they don’t feel they need to keep the conversation going. They talk when they feel like it, and so when there’s silence, it’s no big deal, however if it’s over extended periods of time, (weeks, months, etc.), and there’s little or no talk, something’s very wrong. A question asked to a stonewall face isn’t going to get either one of them very far.
Imagine if all of the communication devices in the nation went down. What a roar of silence that would be, but people will anxiously be waiting to get it up and running, so that they can speak (or text) with their friends again. Part of the problem with silence is when one spouse doesn’t even give respect to the other spouse by answering them, the spouse asking the question will eventually give up. That couple may be headed for a divorce. It’s normal for this to happen on occasions…but when it’s day after day and week after week, somethings terribly wrong. It may be a sign of an impending divorce.
Everyone is a liar (Rom 3:4). That’s what the Bible teaches, along with the fact that God never does, so when a spouse (or both) begins lying to one another, they’re going to be discovered, sooner or later and then the spouse that was lied to, will think, “They’re hiding something.” The trust will be gone and trust is very difficult to earn in the first place, not to mention, earn it back. Pride is often at the root of lying. We want to look better in other people’s eyes, but these lies sometimes force us to spin other lies to cover the first lie, and after a while, we’ve got a tangled web of deception. A spouse that consistently lies to another is a couple that may be headed for divorce.
7. Lines in the Sand
Marriage is not at all 50/50. It should be considered 100/100 because we are not married just to see what we can get out of it, but to see what we can put into it. Marriage doesn’t “just happen.” It takes a lot of work, but the more work you put into a marriage, the more you naturally get out of it. In a way, it’s a way of life. It’s all about love and love as a verb (which it is), and it’s what you do to display that love.
Love is a lot more than words, however, when there are suddenly battle lines drawn in the sand over certain household duties and responsibilities (including children), it can easily become like World War One. In that war, one side would make an advance and gain some territory, but then the other side would fight back and take back the enemies gain, and more. When marriages are like this, the marriage is in mortal danger.
Maybe you can think of some other bad habits that lead to divorce. You probably have better reasons than I have, so please feel free to add them in the comments section. We’d love to learn from you and so would others. Couples need all the help they can get today so get equipped and informed about marriage.
Here are some keys to a strong marriage: prayer, Bible study, worship, date nights, and a desire to put God first, going the extra mile, and communication. Of course there are more than these, but Solomon gave us some great advice where he wrote, “And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken” (Eccl 4:12). In other words, there is strength in numbers and when that third cord is the Spirit of God, it’s “not quickly broken,” and that’s more important in marriages today, than perhaps at any time.