5 Marriage Secrets All Couples Should Know
There are very few people that know what they’re getting into when it comes to marriage.
1. Marriage is more intimate than sex.
I think one of the first things singles think about when it comes to marriage is sex. In our society, sex is portrayed as the mark of intimacy within a relationship. While there are so much value and closeness within the sexual relationship, a good marriage is what makes for good sex, not the other way around.
Before marriage, I don’t think I grasped the real intimacy that comes with committing to this one person for the rest of my life. Within marriage, is the amazing opportunity to allow another person a look at your life, your mind, your heart, and your very soul. Now that is true intimacy.
2. Marriage reveals selfishness but can cultivate selflessness.
I knew I had the ability to be selfish, but I didn’t know I actually was selfish until I got oh… about six months into my marriage (probably more like six hours, but I’m being generous). From the silly moments of choosing where to eat and who gets the remote, to the more significant things like apologizing and putting his needs before mine, you learn that true selflessness is something that has to be lived out.
It’s a hard lesson that has stretched my spiritual life more than anything else ever could–and through that, a beautiful reminder of a God who selflessly gave His all for me. I’m learning to be more like Him through this part of my marriage.
3. Oneness literally means… one.
We all think of the deep spiritual and physical benefits of oneness, but do we ever consider these things: One house. One bed. One bathroom. One mirror above the bathroom sink. One bank account. One budget. In marriage, you relearn the preschool lesson of “sharing”, but you learn it in a very non-preschool kind of way. You learn to let go of the mine and your mentality because in marriage everything is truly ours. There’s something really hard, but something really beautiful about that. It’s a reminder that at the end of the day what’s mine is yours… but everything we have is actually His.
4. At some point, you will be disappointed.
I know, this one was a hard reality. I’m not sure why I didn’t really believe it would happen. I am fully aware of me and my husband’s humanity. But for some reason, this truth doesn’t really hit home… until it actually hits home. My husband and I have loved each other deeply, but we’ve also hurt each other deeply. When you allow someone to bury their heart in yours, there’s no doubt that one day you will feel an ache. Whether in the form of an unkind word, a thoughtless action, or a selfish moment, marriage will hurt. But by God’s grace, each wound paves the way for grace, forgiveness, and restoration. Each wound is a reminder of our need to love better and to love deeper.
5. Like it or not, you will learn the meaning of forgiveness.
With the certainty of being wounded comes the reality that you will need to learn forgiveness–and sometimes, our pride can get in the way of that exchange. But the biggest lesson to learn is that true forgiveness comes not because the person standing before you is deserving, but rather it comes out of a heart that understands how much we’ve been forgiven though we, too, were undeserving.